


Kurt is such a dude

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Cliche, Crack, Fluff, Heteronormativity, M/M, Stereotypes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:52:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alittledizzy posted this :<br/>I want fic where Rachel and Santana are both floored by how much of a guy Kurt can be. Like, shaving and leaving stubble in the sink or snorting loudly or leaving the toilet seat up or farting inappropriately. Or maybe eating unhealthy stuff or wearing t-shirts that are a little stained at the armpits because when Kurt is home he’s not actually that fastidious. Not unhygienic, just not as much of a neat freak as fanon makes him out to be. Like, we’ve seen his eating habits. It’s Blaine that uses the knife and fork. Kurt digs in. Kurt eats like a stereotypical boy and I’m pretty sure given that he was raised primarily by Burt Hummel alone that there are lots of things that he grew up doing around the house out of laziness or following his father’s habits that he just doesn’t break. </p><p>Or better yet, Rachel and Santana have gotten used to it but when Blaine moves in he’s thoroughly disenchanted at first. </p><p>And I ran away with it</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When they had moved in, Rachel was convinced that she was going to live with her “best gay”, without any of the messy things boys usually drag with them, making cupcakes and singing in the morning.

The first evening after Kurt’s first day in the city, though, she lost her hopes.

Because contrary to popular beliefs, Kurt Hummel is your usual boy.

First, it was the shoes left in the middle of the entrance.

Then came the toilet seat permanently up.

Then came a hissy fit about his blade not being a shared asset.

Then the foot on the coffee table she had struggled to bring up - as in, she had had to suffer winks and innuendos from the two men she had begged for help - while eating pizza one handed - and with no aim whatsoever (the poor couch never got over it).

And Kurt’s only answer was to “just flip the cushion Rachel, it’s not a big deal”.

When Kurt starts to reach to scratch his groin as they watch TV, that was the last drop and she definitely flips something.

"Kurt Hummel, put your hand away this instant, or I swear to God, I’m going to have your gay card checked!" she screeches and Kurt almost falls from the couch in his shock.

"Are you insane?" he shouts back and Santana pokes her head out of her side of the room.

"You know, for someone who gets confused for a brunette version of Ellen Degeneres, you’re pretty much a stereotypical dude, Hummel", she comments, sitting on the armchair.

"So what?" Kurt asks, straightening up his shirt - it has no shape whatsoever and good grief, it has a stain from last week. "You seem to forget that I am one of the dudes," he adds with the shadow of a smirk.

"And does precious little princess Anderson know about your disgusting dude habbits?" Santana asks, her tone far too sweet to be trusted.

"Oh, Blaine knows that I’m all man," Kurt retorts with a salacious grin and she seems surprised for a minute before holding up her hand.

"High five, bro."


	2. Blaine is not surprised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked
> 
>  
> 
> I absolutely love your stereotypical dude Kurt fic. Could we please get a little more of it? But with Blaine thrown in? Like, Rachel still thinks that Blaine will be grossed out by Kurt and therefore Kurt will stop, but it turns out that even though Blaine isn't as bad as Kurt, he's a dude as well. And they do dude things together.

Rachel is counting the hours.

For sure, the moment Blaine is going to move in with them, Kurt’s behavior is going to change.

There is no hope for help from Santana - she enjoys having a “bro” far too much - Rachel is half convinced she saw the two sharing a cigar the other day on the fire escape, but she can’t prove it.

But the moment Blaine is here, he’ll make sure Kurt will behave in a more … proper manner.

Right?

She just forgot to take into account a teeny, tiny detail - though for a short week back in her Junior year, she was very much aware of that detail, a detail that makes itself very clear after only one week.

Blaine is a guy.

Sure, he eats delicately, always using cutlery, and since he uses plates and forks and knives, he tends to clean them afterwards.

But the bathroom !

It’s like he wants to prove to Kurt that he can “outman” him - he doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste, he doesn’t clean the thousands of hair that stay in the sink after he shaves.

Seriously, does he collect them to piss her off?!

The morning she sees him sniffing a shirt to determine if it’s wearable or not, Rachel starts counting the day until the wedding.

Since they had insisted that they would move once they were married.

It won’t happen soon enough.

Really, her fathers weren’t as bad.

Or were they?

And maybe they changed when she arrived - yes, that’s the only answer.

It’s not that they don’t deserve their gay card - it’s just that Kurt and Blaine are just immature brats.

Rachel lets out a happy sigh and looks at them fondly as Kurt pats Blaine’s ass on his way into the bathroom.

Yes, there is still hope for them.


	3. alternate version of Blaine finding out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chroniclesoftriteness asked:
> 
> Prompt idea: would you be so kind an write more dude!Kurt, but this time with a shocked!Blaine like, he never thought this about Kurt. Yes? Also beard!Blaine. Kthx. <3

Blaine is on Cloud 9 : he’s finally leaving Ohio, finally graduating from High School (God it feels like he has been there forever!), and finally living with his fiancé.

He can’t contain the happy sigh that escapes his lips as he pushes his last suitcase in the room he’s going to share with Kurt

They’re going to share a room. A bed. Maybe they’ll be so drunk on love they’ll exchange their undershirts and use the other’s soap in the morning …

Ok, now he openly squeals at the prospect.

And then he opens a drawer to start unpacking.

What he finds there is definitely not what he expected : socks and briefs rolled together, undershirts in balls - and from the vaguely acidic smell, he wonders if they’re even clean …

"Kurt?"

Kurt comes from the bathroom as he puts on a shirt that Blaine has never seen before - it’s big, still too big on Kurt’s frame, and it’s crumpled, and it is stained, goodness gracious. “Yes babe?”

Blaine cocks his head to the side with a frown. “I was going to ask where I can put my stuff and are those clean but I have a more important question right now.”

Kurt gets closer, and Blaine can see holes in the shirt, right around the armpit. “Yeees?”

"Who are you and what have you done with my fashion-conscious fiancé?"

Kurt laughs and pulls Blaine against him. “I just got a little bit more relaxed,” he says softly, brushing a stray curl from Blaine’s forehead, before a gleam appears in his eyes. “Want me to show you how to get more relaxed?”

And as Kurt starts kissing and licking at Blaine’s neck while he deftly opens his shirt, Blaine has a fleeting thought before letting himself follow Kurt’s lead.

From now on, he’ll be in charge of the cleaning.

—-

A couple of weeks later, as Blaine pulls on Kurt’s shirt from the day before and scratches his beard, Kurt wiggles on the couch.

Mission accomplished.


End file.
